Jackie’s Story: Part 2 – Journey Through Challenges

Continuation of Jackie’s Story: Part 1 – The Challenges of Living Homeless

JACKIE: During this time that I was on the street, I met Tom Tallon from the County Council. When I first met the Street Outreach team, I didn’t engage with them, really, but eventually I did. At first, I got put into like a bed and breakfast, but I didn’t stay there. I just chose to go back on the street. Because it felt worse to be shut up then to be out on the street. In that place, my space was used as a dealing space. So I just constantly would have people knocking on my door or window trying to get in or harm me to do drugs. My space wasn’t my own, and there was no way I could get out of it all.   

KEITH: It’s probably more horrendous when you’re shut in and you feel like there’s no escape from it.  

JACKIE: Yeah, it was. So, I went back to the street and then I was put in a hostel on Chesterton Road. But that wasn’t good either. I was so vulnerable, even in a place like that. It felt safe during the day, because it was staffed during the day, but at night it was very rough because of what people got up to at night. So, I just ended up sleeping on the street, again. I just didn’t have any street smarts at all. I can’t stress that enough. My naivety just kind of followed me through the steps of my journey. I just didn’t know what to do.  

KEITH: It wasn’t that you had an awareness of steps you could take to get out of your situation, right? 

JACKIE: Yeah, there wasn’t anything that you were aware of to think you could do. So, it’s just sort of pure luck, that I’m just still here, breathing and alive, now. But yeah, so the hostel, that didn’t So it was it became, after a while, it did take some months, but then staff realized that the situation was unsafe and moved me out of it. So I was given a flat in Princess Court. And, I mean, that was really, really bad. It was, in fact, I had like worse things happen to me there than I did on the streets. And that made my drug habit also worse – because I just wanted to escape from everything that was going on. 

It was just absolutely horrible. While I was there, I ended up in intensive care a couple of times after an overdose (an accidental overdose).  My mum ended up having a nervous breakdown over me. She had to have like six months off work after my last overdose. They told her, ‘Your kid’s at the hospital, and we don’t know if she’s gonna regain consciousness. And if she does, we don’t know if she’s going to be okay.’ So after that, I think with the help of my support workers, they did push to move me from Princess Court and I was moved about 25 minutes across town. But it was really close to my family. And then everything started to change. I mean, I still used drugs, but it was a lot more manageable. As soon as I moved over to the other side of town, like within months, I got a place at college and access calls. And once I did that, things just started to look much brighter.  

KEITH: Do you think part of that was breaking the cycle of the relationships, you know, with people who were trying to abuse you and take advantage of you? Was that a big part of it?  

JACKIE: Oh, massive. Because at Princess Court, it was just a constant chaos. When I finally did get a roof over my head, it didn’t feel like a home. It didn’t feel safe. Like, as soon as it was dark, you’d never want to put your lights on. And I was robbed so much, it was unbelievable. I remember one neighbour who came to see me, who said, ‘Can I borrow your phone?’ And I said, of course. And then he ran out with it and my purse. It was just like that all the time. So, every time you sort of tried to better yourself or sort of look to the future, there was always a knock back. So, you just think, ‘Oh, what’s the point?’ But moving over there across town and actually getting a place that felt safe – that just made all the difference. And then finally, I was able to go to college and I got a place at uni.  

KEITH: Fantastic.  

JACKIE: Yeah. Well, I mean, I found out I was six months pregnant while I was at college too. But, yeah it was better. 

KEITH: I see. And do you find having your child was kind of grounding and keeps you feeling that there’s more in your life? 

JACKIE: Oh, yeah, definitely. It’s just different. It’s very grounding and it’s good. From that point in my life, it was an upward pathway forward. But the housing had a massive thing to do with it, because if I’d have to raise my son over there near Princess Court…it would have been awful. 

KEITH: You’d have brought your son up in fear, right? Because you’d have been afraid yourself, and therefore he would have experienced that almost 24-7 fear. Whereas, you know, he hasn’t grown up in that environment, which means he’s got a much better set of chances, and you have options for your life. 

JACKIE: Oh, definitely. It actually took me until he was about 3 to stop having heart palpitations when somebody knocked on the door. That was because of that situation at Princess Court. But once I was out of there for good and got myself sorted, you know, I was well enough to like look after my grandparents. I cared for my grandad at home who had vascular dementia until the end of his life. And I looked after my nan, who lived independently, but I visited her every day to made sure she was okay. So in that way, you know, you give back in that sense.  

KEITH: Well, you’re actively involved with CGL (Change Grow Live) and the homeless community in Cambridge. And again, that’s giving back, isn’t it? That’s saying, ‘I’ve been there, I’ve done that.’ And you can come alongside people as a mentor, as a support and as a help in a way that other people like me can’t do. Whereas you’ve walked their path and you’ve broken the cycle of so many of those things and come through it, which is a really powerful thing. Can you tell me a bit about the work you do for CGL now? 

JACKIE: Yeah, so I’ve been a volunteer, here and there before, I think it’s like five years now. So I work individually with people and for a couple of years I’ve been working with one woman who was homeless after fleeing domestic violence and I’ve watched her come from somebody that couldn’t go out to somebody who’s completely able to collect her prescription and get back to a more normal way of life. You know I hate getting compliments, but she always says, ‘I feel Jackie’s the only one that’s consistently here for me.’ And that’s just because I’ve got the time, you know. Obviously, that’s not a reflection on other people, but it’s a positive thing that I’ve made the time to do. With CGL, I do home visits, and I do drop ins at the hostels as well. I’m now training to deliver medical interventions for Hepatitis in people’s homes. So, I’ll be doing that in the future and then I’m also going to be trained to take the blood borne virus Hep B/C testing, because I caught that and had to go through a long treatment before they came out with the recent vaccine, which is a lot less traumatic now to the body. So I’ll be doing that and of course, there’s like volunteering at the Haven that I’ll be doing as well. 

KEITH: Well, thank you so much for telling me a story. I really appreciate you, taking the time to tell your story and I really appreciate that you are helping the people.  

JACKIE: I can’t just stress enough that it’s like the community that’s helped me. It’s just because without that, I mean, I don’t know where I’d be. I’ve been in my home now for, I think, nearly 13 years, and it’s so wonderful. Like I just feel so safe, and it is such— 

KEITH: It’s your haven, isn’t it?  

JACKIE: Yeah, and it’s so lovely to be able to just have a place where I feel I can I put my son to bed and not worry about him and not worry who’s going to turn up at my door and I know that the surroundings are safe.  

KEITH: That’s safe place is so important, isn’t it? I can understand that it was only when you got into that safe place that you were actually able to look and see where your life could be headed and make some choices. And before you were in that place, you felt like your choices were constricted by what was going on around you, whereas when you were in a place where you can be safe and you can close the door and actually have a moment to think – it makes a huge difference, doesn’t it? 

JACKIE: Yeah, and it’s so much easier to be positive and look to the future. Because, I mean, everybody had sort of essentially written me off. I mean, just things weren’t looking good. I mean, I was just below 8 stone then, and I’m 11 and 4 stone now, so you could have imagined the difference it was. I mean, I looked so bad. I was so thin and poorly and it was just sort of a given that I wasn’t going to last that long. And I sort of thought that as well. But that move – yeah, it just changed everything.  

KEITH: And to think that if you hadn’t made that change, it’s unfortunately so likely that you wouldn’t be here. You literally would have died. 

JACKIE: Yes. I know that’s a horrendous thing to say, but it’s a reality. There are people I would see on the streets who are no longer with us. I had a neighbour that lived opposite. She was well known, one of a set of twins – Becky, her name was – and she didn’t survive. She lived in Hanover Court and there was also two other people at the same time. They both hit their lives and that was just, you know…it’s so sad. I feel very lucky – like I’ve taken a step back from the brink, you know. I never thought it would happen. I still have to wake up in the morning. But some of the ways I used to behave just don’t even make sense to me. Like now, the thought of going out and buying something from a stranger on the street and injecting it into myself – it just fills me with horror.